Illogical

And I guess the reason why I am scared, is because I can see where this is heading.

How many times have I been hurt because I allowed myself to lose control? To fall, deeply, for someone I knew would never reciprocate my feelings? To abandon all sense of logic, and just feel.

I don't know when he will be ready, and even when he is ready, if he'll be ready for me. Given the uncertainty, logic dictates that I should not allow myself to like him too much. But I've always hated controlling my emotions, hated having to control my emotions, hated losing control of my emotions. Whether my feelings for him develop or not is irrelevant, I just want to be able to let go right from the start. Because that is what makes me happy, that is what I consider living life.

But I am scared. That my feelings will develop. As they invariably will. That he will never be ready for me. As they never are. That it will all go horribly wrong. As it always does. What happens then? That I know I will be able to handle it is irrelevant. I don't want to put myself through all that. Because living life has worn me out.

Logic dictates that I should walk away. At least for now. But since when have I ever listened to logic?